Those Left Waiting Preview

Chapter One - Victor

Cover Image of Dirk Inman's Those Left Waiting. Diego and Victor garden on an apartment balcony with the sun rising behind them.

I was waiting for my life to start. I sat on my childhood swing set with Noah on the seat next to me. If either of us swung properly, the entire set would shake, but with both of us gently swaying with our feet on the earth, the set held strong. “So Diego’s mad at you?” Noah said.

My twin brother, Diego, sat at the picnic table with our other friend, Albert. Diego had been looking at me and glanced away when he noticed my head turn. We looked similar enough to be mistaken for each other. Our dark brown hair lighter from the summer sun started to wave around our ears. Our faces round with the rest of our bodies lean. My ma still pinched our cheeks and called it our baby weight. My weight was starting to sit differently, with wider hips and thicker legs. Diego couldn’t fit gym into our schedule anymore, and I spent some idle time working out. Still, it was easy to mistake us for each other.

I turned away to rub the burn on my wrist. I’d given it to myself as a kid when Diego burned himself so we could still be easily mistaken for each other. I smiled at Noah. “Yeah,” I said.

“What’d you do this time?”

Noah said it with humour in his voice. Albert found my bullshit tedious, but, despite being an overachiever tryhard, Noah always seemed amused by it. I didn’t really understand it, but I was grateful for the ear. Noah was devastatingly handsome. His hair styled into short twists with a stylish notch in his otherwise perfect fade. The light from the sun shone off his deep reddish-brown skin. His thick lips carried an easy smile that I wondered if it was truly easy to hold. I replied, “I told him I was signing up for drama, but then I signed up for shop,” I said. “He’s mad because we don’t have any classes together at all this year. Between my stupid kid classes and-“

“They’re not stupid kid classes, they’re a different way of learning,” Noah said.

I continued, “-and none of our open classes being the same, we don’t have any overlap. But like, we live together and we’ve been on the same sports teams-“

“If you don’t get kicked off,” Noah said.

I nodded. I’d gotten kicked off a few and Diego saw it as me abandoning him, and maybe it was, a little bit. “I was thinking about working part-time this year,” I said.

Noah hesitated. We quietly rocked on the swings, our feet keeping us from ever fully swinging. Our parents stood on the deck a few feet away talking about the coming school year. I heard my Ma laugh and smiled to myself. Noah said, “I just mentioned it in passing. I didn’t mean-“

“No, it was a good idea,” I replied. “You’re not sure you want to go to college far from home, but you know you want out of the house. I won’t know what I want to do until I get Seen, so moving out together sounds like a nice way to feel like we’re not stagnating.”

“And Diego could come too, if he wanted.”

“Yeah, of course,” I said, nodding. “He just needs a separate bedroom.”

Noah smiled. “One of the Sisters will See us soon.”

People commonly got their magical abilities close to adulthood, usually after they turned 18, but sometimes as early as 16. There were late bloomers too, with people well into their twenties until a Sister Saw them. Our magical system was made up of six Sisters and their Mother, and they each had their own specialization of magic. It was possible to be Seen by more than one, but it was most common with Sister Spellcraft who specialized in people who crafted their own magic. Mother was our planet and she gave those she Saw the abilities to help nature and tend to plants. The Sisters were our moons. They each had their own speciality and the strength of the magic they gave varied based on how close they were to our planet during their rotation.

“I’m hoping Mother sees me,” I said. “I’ve already learned a lot from Ma, and I like working with my hands. I think it’d be nice to just be outside all the time too.”

Noah laughed softly. “I thought you wanted change.”

I shrugged. “It’ll still be a change. I don’t know. Maybe next summer I’ll already want someone different to See me. What about you?”

“Oh I don’t care,” Noah said with a laugh, “but I’ve been meaning to tell you, I hung out with Clint before he went off to camp.”

“He’s supposed to come today, right?” I replied.

Clint had been Seen early. The Sister of Strength had her eye on him for a while, with his powers fluctuating until he couldn’t participate in our school sports teams because he brought too strong of an advantage. It wasn’t a coincidence that I got kicked off shortly after. He’d spent most of his summer at a camp designed to train him early and introduce him to other outlets for using his powers outside of school.

“Yeah, but I wanted to tell you,” Noah said with his voice lowering, “I kissed him before he left.”

I tried to keep my heart from pounding, but I felt the heat in my face anyway. “What?”

Noah’s smile was sheepish. “Yeah, we were hanging out and he asked me. I don’t think it means anything. I think he was just figuring things out.”

I laughed sharply. I tried not to be hurt. People were allowed to have lives outside of me. I wasn’t a main character. But Noah didn’t tell me for over a month. Was I hurt because he hadn’t told me? Was I hurt because I wanted to kiss Clint? Or was I hurt because I wanted Noah to be excited to kiss me?

“What’s funny?” Noah asked.

“I mean, I’m a little jealous,” I said. “If he’d kissed me first it’s just a fun mistake, you know? But kissing you – that’s like the rest of your life.”

“What are you talking about?” Noah asked.

“You’re smart, driven, funny, and good looking,” I replied. “Why would he date anyone else?”

Noah scoffed. “I don’t know how you just say things like this.”

Diego and I met Noah in kindergarten. He’d always been a meek, quiet kid; an anchor to keep us grounded. We gravitated towards him, eager to hear him make a quiet joke, but also feeling more adventurous knowing he was there with a bandage when we inevitably hurt ourselves. His father died when we were turning 13. I didn’t know how to talk to him about it, but after a period of him being rightfully sad and withdrawn, he suddenly became the opposite. He went from the quiet smart kid in the back of the class to the kid in the front row ready to answer any question. He started into drama classes and tried out for sports with us even when he wasn’t the best at them. He was loud and funny and charming.

I worried it was a mask that held the rest of him together, that if it slipped he’d fall apart. But I didn’t know how to talk about it. I liked him now as much as I did before. Sometimes I missed hearing a soft, clever joke from the quiet kid, but I loved that more people saw him now. I wanted everyone to see how great he was, and if I lost Clint to him in the process, well, I’d meet someone else eventually.

Noah continued, “I think I was just a safe person to practice with.”

Before I could argue, Clint and his parents walked through the back gate. Clint was easily a head taller than his father and step-mom, but his change surprised me. Before he left, he usually slouched in an oversized hoodie with his blond hair overgrown and bangs dipping into his eye line. Now his posture was perfect, carrying what appeared to be confidence in his shoulders. His hair was short and styled, and not in a way that suggested his step-mom had trimmed it out of frustration. His ears stuck out slightly, and his shaggy hair often hid them, but with his new cut they were a little more pronounced. I wanted to run my finger along them before tugging on his lobe to draw him down into his kiss. His pale white skin carried some red in his cheeks, nose, and ears, likely fading sunburns from the campsite. He wore a black button-up shirt with white embroidered stars and a pair of fitted jeans. I knew Clint was built, but it was weird seeing him wearing clothes that didn’t hide it. The bags under his pale blue eyes had almost faded. I thought about how Noah had changed. His change was so sudden and came with tragedy, so I felt guilty for missing how he was. I already missed unpolished Clint. My chances were gone the moment he kissed Noah, but now it seemed like he was already shaping up to be the perfect partner for him too.

I relaxed when he gave us a shy smile, but his dad pulled him in the direction of the deck and away from us. My moms greeted the family excitedly, and there were too many voices to eavesdrop when the other parents joined them to take a look at Clint. Noah asked, “You think they’ll ever get tired of being excited for us?”

Noah’s mom smoothed down the front of Clint’s shirt. With all eyes on him, heat grew in his ears. Clint’s dad, Peter, said, “He’s not going to be some brainless brute either. He’s going to focus on his studies and hopefully one of the other Sisters will see him.”

Peter was a tall, lean man. He’d been seen both by Shadow and Solace. Clint had been made with his father’s genes, and it was easy to see shadows of Peter in him. Peter’s hair was a warm blond while Clint’s was basically white. Peter was thin and moved as nimbly as if water flowed through him. Clint was awkward, still unused to his size and uninterested in the attention. Peter liked eyes on him, while even now Clint shied away from it. Peter had a penchant for healing and he worked with my mom.

My Ma said, “Strength is close to Mother. He’ll be steady and reliable.’

My Mom added, “And Strength Seeing him so early gives him plenty of time to refine his skillset.”

Clint’s step-mom, Janet, placed her hand on Clint’s back. “You should go hang with your friends,” she said with a soft smile.

Janet was a warm woman. Tall and heavyset with thick black hair and smooth tawny skin. She’d been seen by Strength alone. Noah and Clint bonded over having step parents, but Clint’s was a relief while Noah resisted his own. It was easier for Clint. Janet didn’t replace anyone while Noah missed his father.

Noah and I moved to the picnic table when Clint started walking that way. Albert moved to sit on top of the picnic table. He was currently growing out an unstyled mohawk with his thick black hair still bleached at the tips. He was lithe and a little shorter than the rest of us, which he made up for with a loud personality. His ears were pierced down his cartilage and into his lobe. His parents were hands-off and so he got away with doing whatever he wanted. I stopped calling us friends after he corrected Noah to call us business partners. Diego had taken a shine to him, and he graced Diego with the title of friend, but I followed his lead on what our friendship was, which was mostly selling the Stolen Honey we grew at his place together in school, and sometimes skipping class to make out.

Grinning, Albert asked, “When are you going to let me take that new body for a ride?”

“Fuck off,” Clint said, “and could you be a little quieter?”

“Oh you don’t want your dad to know I’ve got homosexual thoughts about you?” Albert asked with another grin.

“How was camp?” Diego asked.

“Weird,” Clint said, ignoring Albert. “It felt kind of like, how to pretend to be powerless so you don’t get ostracized. They think I’ll have a better chance at getting a baseball scholarship now, since I’ve already got my abilities and they got me into an amateur league for Seen kids.”

“That’s great,” Noah said. “It must be a relief.”

“Yeah, truly,” Albert said.

“It still might be competitive,” Clint said, rubbing the back of his neck. “With the Reunion tomorrow, they think there’ll be a spike in people being Seen early.”

The Reunion was an extremely rare event where all six moons were in the sky at once. All the Sisters had different orbits, so it was rare for more than two to share the night sky. The event was last recorded around 500 years ago, but it was a lot of history I ignored.

“Really?” Diego asked. He motioned towards me and continued, “We’re going with our Moms camping so we can see the Reunion without any light pollution. Maybe we’ll get Seen.”

Diego grinned at me, and I felt a little bit lighter at being acknowledged by him. He wouldn’t stay mad at me forever. “I wouldn’t mind a bit of juice to get me through our final year,” Albert said. “A direction about where to go would be nice.”

Noah quietly asked, “I know they say they don’t know, but did you ever get a feel that Strength would see you before it happened? You’ve always been athletic, but you’ve always been into research too.”

“Spellcraft could see him later,” Albert said.

We waited as Clint took a moment to form his words. Usually one of us would just fill the silence with chatter about the topic until Clint cut in with what he was trying to say, but we were all too curious this time. I wondered how often we’d talked in his silences that he decided not to chime in at all.

Clint lowered his voice. “Dad blames Janet. He thinks she’s influenced me.”

“But she’s your step-mom, and they don’t even think genetics play a part in it,” Albert said.

Clint nodded. He didn’t say anything further. Noah softly said, “I still think it’s cool.”

“Of course it’s cool,” Albert said. “Think of the sports scholarships.”

“And what’ll I do after?” Clint asked.

Without missing a beat, Diego said, “There are plenty of jobs that don’t rely on your magical skill if that’s what you’re saying. And even so, there are plenty of cool jobs that rely on strength.”

Clint rubbed the back of his neck again. He hunched over further, and it was like my self-conscious crush was already back with me. It was selfish to feel relief, but I did. I just felt bad that I did.

We all waited for Clint to say something further, and when he didn’t, we could overhear our parents’ conversation. Peter talked loudly; I figured he wanted Clint to overhear. “He better keep his nose in those books so someone else Sees him. I don’t want to be stuck supporting him and Janet.”

I stood up from the picnic table and walked back over to the swing set. Diego and I always left our shit in the backyard despite being told not to, and there were a couple of older baseballs and bats that had been weathered through a few seasons of storms. I picked one up, and Diego smiled when he caught my eye. I heard the way the other parents tried to cut off the way Peter continued to drone on. I picked up a bat and in a moment Diego was beside me as I tossed up the ball.

I swung first, shattering the kitchen window above the sink. The window was closed, and I only broke the lower pane. My Ma shouted, “Victor! What the hell is wrong with you?”

But Diego had already swung. He took out the upper pane, not daring to give me a wink, but I knew he’d aimed just as I had. My Ma puffed up like an angry cat. She looked taller as she yelled, “Boys!”

I did manage to catch Clint’s relieved smile as both of my mothers approached us, Ma pulled the bats out of our hands in one hard wrench. “We’re supposed to leave to go camping tonight,” Ma said.

Mom lightly touched her arm and said, “It was a mistake.”

Ma shot her a look, and Mom’s weak smile suggested they both knew it wasn’t. Mom was probably relieved it’d shut Peter up, but Ma probably wanted to shut him up herself. “We can board up the window and still drive out to camp,” Mom said.

Ma rolled her eyes. Janet asked, “Do you want me to take over the grill, Eden?”

Ma forced a smile and said, “I’d appreciate it, thanks.”

Janet’s smile was warm, and Ma tried to relax to return it. Mom said, “Love, I’ll clean up the glass.”

“The boys will clean up the glass,” Ma said.

“They could hurt themselves,” Mom replied.

Diego started, “No, it’s fine, we-”

“I think our teenage sons know how to handle a little bit of glass,” Ma said. “They’ve certainly broken enough of it over the years.”

“We’ll clean it,” I quickly said.

The three of us went into the kitchen, and Mom slipped in when Ma closed the sliding door. Normally it would mute the noise outside, but the broken window let the sound in as if Ma had just left the window open. Ma was a short, heavy-set woman with wavy black curls down her back. A golden undertone warmed her brown skin. Her smile rarely hid her teeth. Mom was tall and lean with straight blonde hair that she tied into a ponytail with her bangs forming an ordered line across her forehead. Silver cooled her pink skin. Her hazel eyes softened whenever she met my Ma’s brown ones. Her face carried a natural, thin smile and she often covered her mouth when she laughed. She was soft now, prepared for damage control. When I saw that one of our balls had also broken a cabinet door I’d expected a long lecture. Instead, Ma kept her voice low and said to Mom, “I can’t believe you.”

Mom replied, “Wait, you’re mad at me?”

I grabbed gardening gloves from under the kitchen sink and handed a pair to Diego. I took out the box we used whenever one of us clumsily dropped and broke something, and we started to pick up the glass together and place it instead. Ma continued, “Yes, of course I’m mad at you. I don’t love that the boys’ instinct is to destroy things to solve problems, but they wouldn’t have had to do anything if you hadn’t invited him.”

“He’s a brilliant co-worker and our kids are friends,” Mom replied. “How do I not invite him?”

Ma shook her head and said, “Sometimes I feel like you wilfully refuse to see things. Like how you’re not worried about how the boys try to solve problems with destruction.”

“They’re fine, they’ll grow out of it,” Mom said.

Diego and I exchanged glances. It wasn’t often that they argued about us in front of us. Usually we just listened to it on the stairs as kids. Mom let things build up inside of her until she exploded. Ma was better at letting her anger out, and I’d never seen her tolerate a person for as long as she had Peter. Ma said, “How about you go up and camp with the kids to see the reunion tonight without me? I’ll board up the window and get it repaired tomorrow, then I’ll drive out to meet you and see the reunion the next night.”

“You’re really going to try to punish us by punishing yourself?” Mom asked.

“No, we’ve got three days of the reunion. I’ll see the first night here and then meet you tomorrow.”

“With all the light pollution?” Mom asked.

Ma laughed. “Yes, with all the light pollution,” she said. “Go out and entertain your esteemed guests. I’ll supervise the boys.”

“We’re fine, Ma,” Diego said.

Ma shot him a look that made him look back down towards the glass. Mom let out an exasperated sigh and left. Ma said, “I don’t know why your mom is so blind around Peter, but you should have hit him with a baseball instead of my windows.”

“Sorry Ma,” I said.

“Wouldn’t that have been too obvious?” Diego asked.

“Probably, but I would have laughed,” she said, shrugging. She started to take off the broken cabinet door. “I appreciate how much you try to protect Clint though. I don’t know why Janet hasn’t left with him yet.”

I replied, “Everyone thinks so highly of him, it’s easier to stay than to run with everyone thinking she’s the villain for stealing Clint.”

Ma softened. “Maybe,” she said, “but you’ve got to start figuring out better problem solving methods.”

“You did recommend hitting him instead of the window,” Diego said.

She laughed. “You know I’m not perfect.”

Her laughter raised a smile in me, and Diego stopped to embrace her. She hugged Diego with one arm and opened her other to me. I stood up and walked into her grip too. She was shorter than us. We had our Mom’s gangly forms. Even so, Ma felt larger than us. The way she hugged us together made me feel like she was moulding us into a small ball for her to wrap around. She smelt of the earth. She always felt safe.

“My perfect babies,” she said.

“We’re basically adults,” I replied.

“I’m going to miss you tonight,” Diego said.

“I just need a night to calm down after today,” she said, “and I don’t want you to miss out on the Reunion. Maybe a Sister will See you.”

“I want Mother to see me,” Diego said.

I sheepishly replied, “Me too,” and looked away when Diego’s smile grew.

“Neither of you want Sister Solace like your mom?” she asked, laughing.

“Growing stuff is too cool,” I said.

Diego made a noise in thought. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind if Solace saw me instead.”

Ma kissed our foreheads and said, “Go on back out there. I’ll finish in here and try to cool down.”

“Thanks Ma,” I said.

“Sorry Ma,” Diego added.

Clint’s anxiety returned in full. He made himself small as he sat at the picnic table with his knees pulled up to his chest, and Albert and Noah happily talked around him to try to keep him distracted. Diego and I joined in when we returned. The rest of the party went smoother, and my mom managed to ask Peter enough about his work that he left Clint alone.

Clint even looked a little more confident when everyone left our house. We loaded up my Mom’s hybrid car with camping gear, and when Diego went to hug our Ma goodbye, I joined him. I wasn’t sure why I felt guilty that I hadn’t thought to hug her myself. “See you later babies,” she said. “If you get Seen before I get there, don’t tell your Mom until I do.”

Mom laughed. “Like either of them would have the willpower to hide it.”

Ma grinned and waved to us from the garage as we headed out onto the road. Our regular campgrounds were surprisingly empty. Mom had expected more people to go out of the city to see the Reunion, but we didn’t see anyone else as we set up a large tent for us to share. When the sun set, we changed into swimwear and went out to float on the lake. Six moons illuminated the forest. We floated on our backs and watched as they neatly lined up together.

I wondered if I should be grateful to be alive at a time when I could see something like this, when the universe literally aligned for one perfect moment. “All of our magic is thought to be stronger in an event like this,” Mom said. “They say that’s what started the four hundred year fire.”

I didn’t care much for history, so I watched as the moons slowly moved across the sky. Diego chimed in, “And that’s why we’ve lost so much information from back then, right?”

“That’s right,” Mom replied. “Peter’s busy running tests and experiments to measure it, but I wanted to spend it with family.” She stopped floating and said, “I should take some pictures for Ma.”

I almost hadn’t noticed. The moons formed a perfect ‘V’ in the sky overhead. “Mom,” I said.

Mom made a noise to show she was listening.

“There’re seven moons,” I said.

“What?” Diego asked.

Mom stood in the lake and looked up. Seven moons hung above us. There should have only been six. Strength, Solace, Spellcraft, Shadows, Song, and Sorcery. “That can’t be right-“

“I can count to seven,” I said. “Maybe not much higher.”

Mom’s silence made my stomach turn. I started treading water with the Sisters watching us. “What does that mean?” I asked her.

“Are we wrong about the ways we categorize magical abilities?” Diego asked.

“I – I don’t know,” Mom replied. “I’m – we don’t get a signal out here.”

She rubbed her jaw, and Diego and I waited for more information. It was rare to see Mom stumped about anything. She shrugged and said, “Your Ma would tell us to just enjoy the moment. It’s not my job to research everything.”

“It’s kind of your job, though, right?” Diego asked.

Mom laughed. “I took the weekend off,” she said. “Let’s take some pictures for Ma.”

With Mom calm, I relaxed as well. We took photos and swam well into the night. Diego kept asking if I felt any magic, but I couldn’t feel any changes. I smiled at the Sisters and I did find myself feeling a little grateful to see the shyest one. We crashed in the tent together, and I fell asleep to the sounds of my Mom and Diego’s steady breaths.

We spent another day in the woods together, and Mom told us not to worry when Ma didn’t arrive. Mom didn’t want to leave in case Ma was already on her way to us. The seventh moon appeared in the sky again. We all slept more restlessly the second night without any word from Ma, so on the next morning, Mom said, “Let’s drive back out so we can at least check our messages. Maybe Ma got wrapped up with something when that seventh Sister appeared.”

We packed everything up and piled back in the car. Ma made one of us sit in the passenger seat with her when she drove, but Mom liked us both in the back. “I like playing chauffeur,” she always said.

We were a little quieter as Mom started to drive back. Ma wasn’t the type to get wrapped up in research, and it wasn’t like her to miss any family time, let alone time on a rare night like this, in anger.

Diego and I shared a single cell phone between us. Diego was more invested in it than me. Our video game activity was heavily monitored, and we weren’t allowed to play most of the games the other guys played due to them being too violent or misogynistic. They didn’t interest me much anyway, and I preferred hearing Clint talk about them. Diego liked keeping up with the social aspect at least, but I liked seeing everyone in person better – and I liked hearing the conversation summaries from Diego rather than follow along myself. Something about seeing everyone talk around me made me nervous. I never knew when to chime in when texting.

Diego flicked the phone on. We’d left it off since it wouldn’t have gotten a signal, and we didn’t want to waste its battery life searching for one. When the phone didn’t announce new notifications, I looked out the window while Diego held the phone higher to try to get a signal. When our phone started to ping with notifications, Mom’s did the same. Mom pulled the car over and cheerfully said, “Let’s see what Ma was up to.”

Diego and I unbuckled our seatbelts to sit closer together. We stopped emptying our voicemail a year ago so our moms couldn’t leave anymore messages lecturing us, so the only new messages we received would be text-based. The group chat with the other boys had a lot of unread messages. The boys usually just shared clips of their interests, but Diego checked it out anyway while Mom looked at her messages.

Diego scrolled through the messages quickly and I started to look out the window. Diego didn’t immediately deliver information to me, so I asked, “What’re they talking about?”

“I think they’re roleplaying a zombie apocalypse,” Diego said. “Usually no one wants to roleplay with Noah. I wonder what got everyone on board.”

“Weird,” I said.

“Looks like Albert and Noah aren’t even replying anymore. It’s just Clint,” Diego said. He scrolled upwards. “Oh wait, here’s a video.”

It was cell phone camera footage someone took from their apartment window. The person held the phone with both hands to try to keep it from shaking. A person outside screamed as two zombies fed on him. Diego and I leaned closer; it was too far away to see if the special effects were any good. Several other zombies shambled on the street. A few broke off to slowly head towards the screaming human while a couple more zombies pressed on the exterior apartment door. The footage just ended without any additional story or context.

Something about it felt wrong. Diego typed into the chat.

 

Victor & Diego: Who made that?

Clint: What?

Clint: Are you two okay?

Victor & Diego: The video.

Victor & Diego: I don’t get it. It just ends.

Clint: It’s real

Clint: Are you okay?

Clint: Where are you?

Victor & Diego: We’re fine. Just leaving the campsite.

Victor & Diego: What’s happening?

Clint: Zombies started showing up Thursday night into Friday morning.

Clint: It just keeps getting worse.

Clint: Mom and I were supposed to be

Clint: No

Clint: Mom and I aren’t at home

Clint: Albert stopped replying Friday

Clint: But I get read receipts sometimes

Clint: Noah was with dad and your ma at a rescue station

Clint: But he stopped replying last night. Mom says your ma isn’t replying either.

Clint: Maybe they don’t have power so they can’t charge their phones.

Victor & Diego: Where are you?

Clint: Different rescue station with Mom.

Clint: It’s some grocery store. But there’s good wifi.

 

“Boys,” Mom said. “What’s going on?”

A numbness started to settle into me. Was this real? “I guess zombies are a thing right now,” Diego said.

“I’m – I’m going to call your Ma,” she said.

 

Clint: Hello?

Victor & Diego: Mom’s freaking out. She’s pretending she isn’t.

Clint: Tell her my dad and your ma are together.

Clint: She can call us on your phone with the internet. Phone lines are pretty tied up.

 

Diego continued typing to Clint, and I heard Mom say, “Hey hon. We’re – we’re on the way to your rescue station. Call when you can. I love you.”

I thought of the zombies pressing up against that apartment door. I leaned between the seats. “Is going to a place that’s full of scared people really the right idea right now?”

“Your Ma’s there,” Mom said.

I did want Ma. I wanted to go back to the campsite and jump into that lake. I would have settled for cleaning up glass in the kitchen again. I needed something to wake me up.

Diego said, “Mom, can you pick me and Vic guns up on the way?”

Mom asked, “When have you last heard from your friends?”

“Clint’s in chat right now,” Diego said. “We can see Albert is reading the messages right now, but he’s not replying. Noah’s been offline since yesterday evening.”

“What’s Clint saying?” Mom asked.

“He’s not saying it, but he’s scared,” I said.

“Can I talk to Janet on it?” Mom asked.

Diego started typing, and a moment later his phone started ringing. “It shows your face,” Diego said.

“And you didn’t buy us a lot of data, Mom,” I said.

Mom held the phone in a way that showed all three of them on the screen. I tried to duck out of the frame. Janet sat with her arm around Clint. I watched some of the tension leave Mom’s shoulders. Janet and Clint leaned against shelves in a grocery store. The brand of potato chips Diego and I liked were 3 for $5.

“Skyler,” Janet said. “Christ, it’s good to see you. I guess you guys missed all this mess.”

“Yeah, there was nothing out here,” Mom said, “we couldn’t even get a signal for the internet.”

“Mom drained her battery life leaving her phone on,” Diego quickly said.

Janet said, “We’re surrounded, but we’ve been okay so far. I’ve had to, you know, protect us a couple of times.”

I tried to picture Janet killing a zombie. “Could you give us all the details?” I asked. “Like, all of them.”

Janet smiled sheepishly and said, “Skyler, what do you think you’re going to do? When was your last message from Eden?”

Mom replied. “I – I don’t really know. I think we should drive out and get her.”

“You’ve got that hybrid, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, go through small towns and try to stock up on gas,” Janet said. “Then drive here first. There’s a back entrance, and your car is silent at slow speeds right? Maybe you can just glide right through them.”

“I – I don’t know about that,” Mom said.

“Or we hit the gas and plow through them,” Diego said.

“You’ll need a bigger car for that,” Janet said, “but I’m not sure upgrading to a bigger vehicle is even the right choice. We’ll need gas to get us anywhere, and that hybrid should take us pretty far.”

“You should just stock up on supplies and go back camping,” Clint said. That stopped everyone from talking. Clint shrugged and looked at his mom. He added, “Wouldn’t it be better out there?”

Janet didn’t reply immediately. I wondered why Janet didn’t smash her way back to her van. Diego said, “Uh, I’m pretty sure Vic and I are going to kill a bunch of zombies and rescue you two. And Mom’s going to come too.”

“Yeah!” I said.

Janet said, “You know what, Clint’s right. Stock up on supplies where you can – stay in small towns, and then head back out. Clint and I will figure a way out to you.”

“Could you bring some of those chips?” Diego asked.

Clint smiled. “We’ll bring some of the chips.”

“No,” Mom said. “No, we’re coming to get you. We’ll figure it out.”

For a second, I thought my Mom might actually be cool.

“Phone networks are on their way out,” Clint said, “and they think we might lose the internet in a few days. This place has a generator for when the power fails, but who knows how long I’ll even be able to charge my phone.”

“We should have a backup plan,” Janet said. “One way or another, we’ll come to you in two days, all right?” She explained where their rescue station was and continued, “That’s only an hour and a half drive from you, but we’re in the middle of the city and it’s not going to be easy to get here. So don’t spend a lot of time trying to get to us, just feel it out and head back if it isn’t safe. If we haven’t heard from you in two days, we’ll figure a way out of here and meet you out there. Then we’ll figure out how to get to Eden once we’re all together. Hopefully we’ll still be able to talk, but at least we’ll have a plan if we can’t.”

Mom nodded. “All right.”

Janet went over a couple other rescue stations in the area in case Mom needed them. “Rescue Station 205 is still listed on the news, so everything is fine there and Eden and the others just can’t get a hold of us. We’ll figure out how to get to them when we’re together.”

“Okay,” Mom replied. “Okay, that sounds great.”

Janet gave her a broad smile, and Mom straightened up. Janet said, “We can do this, bud.”

Mom took a deep breath. “We can,” she said. “I’ll see you soon.”

She handed the phone back to Diego who hung up. Mom turned around to us, and Diego said, “You know if you bought us each our own phone, we’d have twice as much battery life.”

Mom replied, “I’ll get you both your own phones when this is over, okay? What do I need to know about, um, taking care of zombies?”

“You have to sever the head or destroy the brain,” I said. “Sometimes the body will still move for a while after, but it shouldn’t be dangerous.”

“Some healing spells hurt them too,” Diego said. “Haven’t you come across zombies before, Mom?”

“You know necromancy is banned everywhere,” she replied. “Honestly, I kind of thought zombies were a myth at this point – just movie monsters.”

Diego said, “It’d be funny to ban a myth.”

“What if we don’t want to kill zombies?” Mom asked.

“Uh, cut off their mouths and arms, I guess,” I said, shrugging. “You don’t want their saliva in your bloodstream. In movies and on TV, sometimes there’s a chosen one carrying a cure.”

Diego nodded. “It’s probably us. We have great immune systems.”

“That’s true,” I said. “So we’re the cure, but then you give us to a lab and they kill us to save everyone.”

“I’ll go to protect you, brother,” Diego said, sticking out his chest.

“No way,” I said, offended that Diego would die a hero instead of me. “Wait, maybe because there’re two of us they won’t have to kill either of us.”

“Are you willing to take that risk?” Diego asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“Neither of you are getting experimented on by scientists,” Mom said, firmly. “What should I get you two that’ll keep you safe?”

“Gun,” I said.

“Gun,” Diego agreed.

“They won’t let me buy guns for children,” Mom said.

“I’m not sure buying is a thing right now,” Diego said.

“But maybe everything’s been raided already,” I said. I considered all the zombie movies I’d seen and I knew Diego likely did the same. We would have watched them at someone else’s house since our moms generally didn’t encourage violence like that. I continued, “So axes, maybe, baseball bats-”

“Machete!” Diego yelled.

I nodded. “Definitely machetes.”

“Screwdriver could do some damage in the right spot,” Diego said.

“Wait, you have baseball bats in the trunk,” Mom said. “Grab them and hold onto them.”

“Excellent thinking, Mom,” Diego said.

We brought our baseball bats up into our seats. They weren’t like the ones we’d left in the backyard. We’d gotten new ones over the summer. Diego looked back at the phone while I thought about how cool it would be to kill a zombie. Would Clint think it was hot? Noah probably wouldn’t. I’d have to swing my bat pretty hard to do any damage. Diego had accidentally given me a concussion a few years ago when I stood too close while Diego was swinging. That was pretty hard, but it hadn’t killed me. Diego had swung as hard as he could that time, hadn’t he?

Mom flicked through the radio, but she turned it off when advertisements started to roll with the promise of the rescue station list coming up right after. I continued considering the best way to handle this. When we pulled into the small town, we found the streets quiet and empty. I was disappointed, but Mom looked happy. I decided it was for the best. I didn’t want things to be bad. I needed Ma to be safe.

Mom pulled into a gas station and parked. She turned around to face us again. “Okay, we’ll try to go in, everything looks all right,” she said. “Can you two promise me – with both hands showing – that you’re not going to smash up the store with your baseball bats?”

She was used to us crossing our fingers behind our backs whenever we made a promise. We didn’t even try this time. “I promise,” we said in unison.

Really, it was cruel to do anything else at this point. Why destroy things for other cool survivors like us? I wondered if I could get a hold of leather pants. Carrying some reusable bags, Mom made sure Diego and I were close behind her as she opened the door to the station, and we were welcomed with a smile from an older woman behind the counter. “Stocking up supplies?” she asked.

Mom waved the boys through. “Yeah,” she said. “I’m going to meet a friend at Rescue Station 314.”

“Oh, that’s that really nice Frank’s Grocer,” she said. “They should be able to hold out a while.”

Diego and I grabbed a basket and started dumping snacks and drinks into it. Lifelong vegans, we went for the jerky immediately, but Mom took it out and put it back on the shelf. She asked, “Have you had much trouble here?”

“Not much. Were you camping when it started?”

“Yeah,” Mom replied.

“I bet you’re all looking forward to a nice, hot shower when you land somewhere,” she said with a smile.

Based on the way the woman leaned away from us, I suspected we were pretty ripe. The water we swam in did have algae growing in it. I mentally told the lady to get a grip; the world was ending, hygiene was not top priority. I put the jerky back into the basket.

“Sure,” Mom replied. “But my wife’s at Rescue Station 205. We’ll probably head there next.”

“Oh that one’s supposed to be real nice,” she said, “but I’d expect the big city ones to be really nice. Can’t decide if it’s better to be out here and pick off the few we find as a community or have a large group to protect against a large force.” When Mom didn’t reply, she said, “I suppose it’s more important to just be with family.”

Mom smiled weakly. “That’s right.”

Mom grabbed a few more things while Diego and I focussed on snacks and matches. We brought the basket to the counter. “Do you have a gas can that I can buy as well?” Mom asked. “I figured I’d fill up and then bring an extra can with me in case the city’s drying up.”

“Sure,” she said. “I imagine we’ll be picked through soon. There’s been a lot driving through here to get to rescue stations. Not many grabbing food like you though.”

“I suppose they figure there’ll be enough wherever they’re going,” Mom said.

I thought Mom noticed the jerky as the clerk rang everything though, but Mom didn’t stop it. “I’ll get your canister,” she said when everything went through. “I’ll meet you out there.”

We brought our bags out to the car, and we stacked them in the middle seat between Diego and me. We waited in the car as Mom started to fill it. The woman brought out the gas can for Mom, and she filled it as well. “I’m just going to go back inside to pay for the gas,” Mom said. “Don’t eat the jerky. It’ll make your tummies hurt.”

Diego and I sighed loudly. Mom said, “Please, you don’t want diarrhea while trying to fight zombies.”

“Fair point, Mom,” I said.

“Scream if anything is going wrong,” Mom said.

She locked the doors to the car and went back inside to pay. Diego and I quietly watched Mom through the gas station window. She talked more to the woman. She motioned towards a back room. Mom slowly approached it, went into the room, and then left in a hurry.

I leaned down to open the beer nuts as Mom finished talking to the woman. “That’s just a brand name, right?” I asked. “It can’t actually be beer.”

“Probably not,” Diego said. “Plus, we don’t want to be drunk if we’re fighting zombies, so if you start feeling like you’ve been chugging Stolen Honey, stop eating them.”

I nodded. “Good plan.”

Diego scrolled back on the phone and Mom got back into the car. “Any news from Clint?” Mom asked as she started it.

“Not really,” Diego said.

“Albert hasn’t read our messages in a while,” I added.

“I’ll let Clint know and turn off my phone for a little while,” Diego said. “Should we charge both of our phones with the car?”

Mom said, “Take my phone and text mom that we’re only using yours. We’ll charge yours.”

I leaned forward and grabbed her phone out of the cup holder. I nudged Diego as Diego plugged our phone into the charger. I went through Mom’s phone. We read the messages from our Ma first.

 

Eden: I hope you have a fun time with the boys!

Eden: Rich says he can replace the windows in a few days. I’ll board them up and head up to see you tomorrow.

Eden: Don’t forget to throw their baseball bats in the lake.

Eden: There’s some weird flu going around. Glad you’re out in nature with the boys and they’re not licking the sidewalk to try to catch it.

Eden: I hope everything’s fine. It’s getting a little scary over here. I’m going over to Sharon’s.

Eden: I think Sharon, Heather, Noah, and I are going to drive out to meet you.

Eden: Skyler don’t come home yet. Don’t let the boys see the news.

Eden: We’re driving out to Rescue Station 205. They repurposed that big community center on Brightwood for it.

Eden: We’re at the rescue station now. I don’t know if you should come. Call me when you get these.

Eden: I love you.

 

Diego and I exchanged glances. If I’d gotten an “I love you” from Ma, I probably would have paAlberted. Maybe that’s why she didn’t message us too. I moved to the group chat Mom had with the other parents.

 

Isaac: Yeah, Dee, Albert, and I are just going to stay in place. The rescue center is so close, we might as well stay home as long as we can.

Janet: Eden gave me the address to Skyler’s campsite. It’s only about an hour away. Thinking about buying some supplies and heading out there. Heather?

Heather: We’re going to the rescue station with Eden. Sharon offered to help, and we figure it’s safer if we all stick together.

Heather: It’s really packed here. Sharon wants to stay and help, but we’re thinking about driving out to the campsite again.

Janet: Should I drive down and pick everyone up?

Heather: I don’t think we’re going to wait.

Janet: I’ll call her back.

Janet: Clint and I are stopping at Rescue Station 314. It’s a grocery store. We’ll see if we can get any news and grab some supplies.

Janet: Not sure I can get back to the van right now.

Janet: Clint and I are going to stay here for a little bit.

Janet: Hello?

Janet: Skyler. I last heard from Isaac Friday night. He’s not picking up. I last heard from Eden on Sunday afternoon. I haven’t been able to get a hold of her or Heather since then. Call me when you can. Or post here. Calls are a little overloaded or something. Clint knows about it more than me.

 

Diego didn’t say anything. I texted our Ma to say to message our phone before I turned off Mom’s phone. I wondered when the zombie apocalypse would start to be fun. Mom drove near the north entrance to a big city, but the roads were clogged with cars. She admitted the woman from the store said there’d been accidents blocking up the highways, but she hadn’t expected the cities to be bad. Mom ultimately turned around and stuck to the back roads. She drove up through the next small town, and I noticed a few zombies already on the main drag. Diego and I looked out at the zombies through the back window when Mom pulled into the gas station.

I didn’t like the zombies. They just looked too human. Maybe a little pale. Eyes out of focus. Some already had skin peeling. “What do you think?” Mom asked. “Stick together or do you want to wait in the car?”

Diego and I looked at each other. We didn’t actually share a brain or have twin telepathy, but it was pretty easy to read each other’s body language. Neither of us liked seeing that the other was scared. Mom was scared too. She was asking us because she genuinely didn’t know what was better for us. If we stayed in the car, there’d be a risk something would happen to her. She hadn’t grabbed a weapon.

Diego said, “We’ll come in to protect you.”

“Thanks,” Mom said with a smile.

When we got out of the car, the zombies reacted to the noise of the doors shutting, but they didn’t seem terribly interested in us as they shambled closer to the noise. Diego and I held our baseball bats while Mom checked inside the gas station. When she saw nothing immediately inside, she waved us in. Diego and I checked out the inside of the station while Mom watched the zombies look at her car.

There was no sign of the undead in the station. I checked the counter, and a sign was taped to it. It read, “Take what you need. Don’t open back office. Didn’t have the heart to do it myself. We’re off to Rescue Station 312 –Samson family.”

I showed it to Diego. Diego shook his head. I wondered if it was better to see a zombie up close now, but Diego confirmed it was a bad idea. We’d probably have close calls soon enough. Why take the risk? Mom was over our shoulders looking at the sign too, and she smiled at us. I wondered when we all agreed to silence. I wanted to scream. I knew it was stupid to want it.

We were all careful as we picked through the gas station. We didn’t want to take more than we needed. Our family tradition of keeping others in mind had spread to us in that moment. I hated the thought of someone else needing something because I’d been selfish now. Maybe it was stupid to take jerky we couldn’t even eat.

There was a stack of gas canisters and Mom took one. Diego and I grabbed matching green backpacks and another for Mom. Mom smiled at us, and we transferred our basket’s contents into the backpacks. I felt better with a weight on my back and gripped my baseball bat tighter.

There were about six zombies outside. They didn’t react as we stepped out, and they were scattered near the car, but not too close. Mom walked first with us behind her, and the zombies ignored us as Mom got us against the car. I motioned for Mom to fill the gas can, and Mom nodded. The car doors would get their attention, so Mom quietly passed Diego her keys and started to fill the gas can. I swallowed a scream. I wanted to let it out.

The machine pinged as the gas can filled, and Mom’s eyes darted between the zombies getting closer and the gas can. I knew she didn’t want to spill any gas – someone might need even a little spill later. The zombies were too close to Mom now and a few more joined the ranks. They ignored her, but they were curious at the sound. Diego and I started to approach Mom, and she motioned for us to stay. One of the zombie’s legs was against Mom’s back, but they continued to ignore her. I wasn’t used to this zombie behaviour. We should have been torn apart by now. Something was wrong.

Mom closed the gas can and stood up. With the gas can in one hand, she gently started walking through the crowd. A zombie’s head turned as Mom looked at it, and it grabbed Mom’s arm. Yanking her arm away, Mom said, “Boys, get in the car.”

Speaking was a mistake. Two zombies grabbed her now, and Diego and me, never obedient, went into action. We started to push the zombies away from her with our bats. I didn’t know what set them off, and I thought a push might be enough to keep them away. The crowd started to encircle us and the car. They wanted Mom.

I felt a zombie’s hand brush against my arm. It was cold and slick. The zombie wrenched my arm up to its mouth. Diego broke his bat on the zombie’s head just as its teeth sunk into my flesh. I screamed in pain. It hurt so much, and screaming didn’t help. I tried to pull away, pushing zombies away from me with my bat. I bit my tongue to keep from screaming again. My eyes burned with tears.

The circle started to close. Mom wrapped her arm around me and yanked me away with some of my flesh still in the zombie’s teeth. Diego opened the car door and climbed in, and when Mom tried to push me into the car, I wrenched away from her. I knew what would happen. I’d die and turn, and I might kill the others. Mom’s grip stayed firm on my wrist, pulling me back. Another zombie tore into my neck. I screamed again. The infection burned in my blood. I was going to be torn apart by this hoard. I would feel every limb leaving my body.

Mom’s arms wrapped around me and lifted me. I didn’t know how Mom got me away. The bat wasn’t in my hands anymore. Mom pulled me into her lap as she got into the car too. I writhed, trying not to scream again. Diego started to drive with the car door open and one of Mom’s legs still out. Diego backed up gently, the car beeping incessantly, but the zombies moved out of the way and circled around the exposed door. Mom pulled her leg in before pulling the car door closed. I was relieved to have Mom’s arm around me. I didn’t know if I was shaking in fear or pain.

I sobbed, “I tried not to scream. I really did.”

“It’s okay,” Mom said, leaning over to check my injuries. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not!” I snapped. “I’m going to be one of them!”

Mom started healing the wound. Some of the pain left, but something in my blood still burned. When Mom released me, I sobbed harder and climbed away from her and into the backseat. I could feel a heat spreading inside of me. I said, “I don’t think your magic is going to fix it. That’s why necromancy is banned, right? You can’t cure undeath anymore than you can cure death.”

Mom didn’t reply. I was relieved that Diego and I snuck out at night to drive the hybrid to practice. At least one of us would make it. I couldn’t make it. Not now. I was too much of a danger to everyone. Mom should have left me to be torn apart.

Diego said, “Mom, what do we do?”

“We should have gotten a gun,” I said. “Then you could have shot me in the head and put me out before I even started to turn.”

“No one’s killing you,” Mom said, sharply.

“You have to do something,” I said. “What if I turn when you don’t expect it? What if I bite Diego?”

“Then we’ll both be zombies and we’ll be the most dangerous ones,” Diego said. “They’ll have to get special hunters just for us.”

I tried to imagine it. I didn’t want Diego to be undead like me, but if we were going to be dead, I wanted us to be together at least and ideally very cool. I felt stupid for wanting fewer classes with him. What was I even thinking? I sniffed. “You really think so?”

“Yeah,” Diego said.

I said, “You have to take precautions. Just in case.”

“I mean, they didn’t even fight us right away,” Diego said. “We’ll have time.”

“Why didn’t they fight us right away? Why did they wait until they felt us?” Mom asked. “Is that a zombie thing too?”

I didn’t know. I wished I’d known. Mom said, “Diego, pull over.”

Diego pulled the car over and turned to look at Mom. I thought Diego looked older in the front seat. Looking at him, I could picture myself as an adult too now, though I felt like a weepy child. Concern was plain on Diego’s face, and the knuckles on his hand that gripped the wheel were lighter than the rest of his russet skin. He still had dirt in his nails from camping. A leaf was stuck to his shirt. Algae clung to his hair.

Mom blinked back tears. I wasn’t sure she could keep it together.

“Mom?” Diego asked.

“Diego, you sit up front with me,” Mom said. “Victor, you stay in the back seat until we know it’s fine. If you turn, we’ll tie you up and you can ride in the trunk.”

I started, “Mom-”

“The plan hasn’t changed. We’ll go get Janet and Clint, and then we’ll get Ma,” Mom said.

I tried to figure out how I could protect them. “I’ll wear one of your sweaters, Mom,” I said. “Diego could tie up the arms, so if I turn I’m already tied up, but I’m comfy in the meantime.”

Mom nodded. “Okay, sure.”

We stepped out of the car. I felt unsteady. I leaned against the car door. My blood didn’t burn anymore. In fact, I thought ice might be spreading through me. Something about it still hurt. I doubted I’d ever stop hurting. Mom grabbed one of her sweaters from a bag in the trunk and put it over my head. I smiled at her, but when Mom tousled my hair, she felt my forehead as well. Mom cupped my cheek to try healing me again, but I noticed Mom’s concern grew when nothing changed. None of them found any words as Diego tied the sleeves of the sweater around me. Mom helped me into the backseat and buckled me in. Diego sat in the passenger side, and Mom got back in behind the wheel.

Mom hesitated for a moment. I watched her. I hoped Diego was better off with just Mom than with just me. “I’m – I’m really proud of you two boys,” Mom said. “For protecting me, for driving, for helping me through this. You two shouldn’t ever have been put in this position.”

Diego and I didn’t say anything, and I looked out the window while Diego dug through the bag for snacks. Mom wrung her hands on the steering wheel to keep them from shaking. We knew this behaviour. Mom was trying to swallow her anger. We braced ourselves to be lectured, but Mom kept it in. I wished Mom would let it out. I wished she’d get out of the car to scream and maybe smash some things. It’d be dangerous to hold it in.

Diego asked, “Mom?”

She replied, “Yeah?”

“Should we start moving soon?”

Mom nodded. “Yeah.” She smiled and said, “Soon we’ll get Janet, and then we’ll be on our way to meet Ma. I’m sure this’ll all get sorted out soon.”

She merged onto the empty road and started to drive. I leaned my head against the window and watched Diego in the seat ahead of me. I shivered in the sweater, and I frowned as I found a hunger growing inside of me. I knew it wouldn’t be sorted out soon.

I knew I wouldn’t be okay.